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A political storm erupted last night after it emerged that a boy had deliberately vomited into his mother’s face after a sex education lesson at his secondary school. The boy, 13, who cannot be named because we made the whole thing up, returned home from school and while his mother was sat watching television, crept up behind her and vomited copiously on her face. The boy’s shocked parents immediately handed him over to the police. His father, clearly devastated by the day’s events, told reporters the boy had said that after his sex education lesson he had suddenly wanted to know what throwing up in a woman’s face felt like.
There has been a wide call from opposition MP’s and parents'groups for an immediate review of the school curriculum. MP’s from across the political spectrum were united in condemning the incident. The Prime Minister Gordon Brown, wearing a black tie, expressed his deep sorrow at the incident and offered his sympathies to the boy’s family. However, Mr. Brown cautioned against any immediate action being taken, warning of the dangers of a ‘kneejerk response’ in the delicate issue of school curriculum, in response to these events which were ‘wholly aberrational and unexpected.’
The leader of the opposition David Cameron was quick to disagree. ‘Here is a clear indictment of the disastrous liberal education policy of this government. In this permissive culture, it was not a case of ‘if’ but ‘when’ a boy sicked in his mother’s face.’
The Conservative Party however, was hit today by revelations in the News of the World that Boris Johnson had ‘experimented’ with vomiting on one of his school friends while at Eton. The Mayor of London issued a statement and an apology in response to this. Johnson admitted, ‘It was something that I experimented with in my youth, and that I now deeply regret. It was entirely consensual vomiting, I tried it, I didn’t like it, and I most definitely did not inhale.’
Other pupils in the sex education have confirmed that the lesson did indeed include teaching on ‘contraception’, ‘safe sex’ and ‘sexually transmitted disease.’ The school has suspended all sex education lessons indefinitely. The boy has been remanded in juvenile detention, where he is expected to kill himself.