This is what it's all about. It's fuckin poetry.
|John B's X7||Spanner's X7||The RD 250LC||The Honda CB250N|
Spanner in Wales
One Saturday I was round at
the Blackburn's and John asked me if I fancied going to Wales on
the bikes. Spanner and Chris Jones was there as well and they were
also up for it. I don't know were Brian was but I think he was off
chasing some bit of skirt. At about 4pm we set off down the M56 to
Deeside, from there picking up the A55 coast road. We stopped off
at Rhyll to mess about on the fair, ending up on the dodgems. No
sooner had we got seated in the dodgem car, a gang of skin heads
rammed us up the arse. John went to psycho mode and we got
involved with a skinhead versus bikers grudge match, exchanging
verbals every time we past each other . Luckily our cars came to
rest some distant from each, so a fist fight never happened.
We left the fair about 7pm
and head west to Conway with the intention of a staying in a bed
& breakfast. I suddenly noticed that John's riding was getting
slower and slower. Spanner kept pulling over and waiting for him
to catch up, moaning his head off. The reason for this reduction
in speed was down to the fact that John's eye sight was shite. He
was too vain to wear glasses and too macho to wear contact lens.
His daylight riding was suspect but once it got dark, he either
had to slow down or have a near miss every 50 yards. I asked him
if he wanted me to ride and he jumped at the offer, progress to
wherever suddenly moved at a greater speed. Just outside Colwyn
Bay we stopped, Spanner had spotted a B&B with the lights on.
The gaff was sort of positioned high up from the road with a
million stairs to the front door. A bit like the stairs in the
Laurel and hardy movie were there trying to deliver a piano but it
keeps rolling back down to the street. It also reminded me of the
Bates Motel because that's what It looked like. Spanner and Chris
Jones ascended the stairs, while me and John stayed with bikes.
They were gone for about five minutes and when they come back I
asked them "what's happening, lads". Chris Jones was laughing his head off because when the women who had answered the door, had told Spanner
she'd got no vacancies. Spanner had said "that's a pity because
you not bad looking for an old bird". I think we went to the chippy
had fish chips and then continued to look for a another B&B.
We were just about to give up and head for home when Chris saw a
sign for another B&B. This time me and Chris Jones knocked on the
door. I asked the women if she had any vacancies and she said
"I've only got the one double and a twin. I was just about to tell
John and Spanner. When John interrupted saying "It's alright, me
and Spanner will share the double - if that's alright". The women
was OK about it and we were escorted in. I signed the guest book and She asked us how we wanted to pay. I said I could give her a cheque, if that was
alright. I had a cheque guarantee card in those days, can't afford
one now, so everything was fine. It was just as well she took a cheque because we didn't have the cash. I remember it cost about £28 and I had to wait for ages for them to pay me back. John managed to get her to make
us a cup of tea and she laid on some biscuits as well. she was
quite the hostess considering it was getting late and we four lads on motorbikes. After tea we were shown to our rooms and went to
The next day Jonesy was up at
about nine O'clock and went out on Spanners bike for a blast. I
went to John's and Spanner's room to see what was going on.Spanner
was in the shower and John was still lying in bed. He pulled out a load
of stuff from a carrier bag like shower gel and soap he'd nicked-
can't take him anywhere without pinching something. Jonesy came
back and we all went down to have breakfast. It was a full English
with as much toast and tea as you could eat or drink. I
thought the breakfast was great but John was moaning about "not
enough sausages". Some people are impossible to please but I
thought considering the hour we turned up and who we were, she was
a very kind women.
Shortly after breakfast we
left for Colwyn Bay, heading east towards Chester. We stopped for
petrol and as soon as we joined the traffic Spanner shot off
chasing two bikes, filtering down outside, John followed but at a
slower speed due to his shit eye sight.
They both went to Llandudno Hospital, Jonesy was released straight away but Spanner had a broken arm, two broken ribs and a fractured collar bone. We stayed until Spanners parents turned up and then left. Jonsey dad came for him some time in the afternoon and I can still see him walking to his old man's car blaming Spanner for being a complete tosser.
Here's a couple of Hospital jokes to finish off with 1) Young doctor visting the ward asks a ninety five year old women "how long she's been bed ridden for" and she replys "two years but I'd rather be fucked on the couch" 2)Dawn french goes to the doctors and the doctor examines her . After the examination she ask what's wrong. The doctor says I'm afraid you've got a flesh eating virus Dawn and it's terminal. well how long have I got Doc ? he says "about 40 years Dawn you fat bloater" .
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