sksksk sksksksk sksksksk


Character Assassination

Jeremy (Jez) Clarkeson

Lanky bell end with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. Very bad hair looks like a 'syrup of fig'or has he got a dead tom cat nailed to the top of his head.

Talks absolute bollocks about macho-fast cars that do shitty MPG and He also writes for some upper class newspaper, about the best car to shag the secretary in behind the wives back and what's the best car to pick up schoolies in.

Fuck off jeza the only Motors I want to see are these The fucking only Motors and Fuck off BA -Willie Walsh you arrogant cunt

James May

Too much hair for an old geezer looks like Bagpuss after an all day bender, probably a die hard Status Quo fan. He recently did some gash show about booze with Oz Clarke definitely for the chop very soon because it's fucking crap.

Richard Hammond

Could his nickname 'the Hamster'? be because he's either got a tiny cock or he has homosexual tendencies. Flammable test pilot for dinky toys & the little cunt off the Morrison's telly adverts. Made an excellent career move when he tried to kill himself in some kind of rocket car, maybe next time he'll succeed..!


The Stig

Who the fuck is this gimp? and who the fuck cares! If he's so good at driving why doesn't he go and earn some serious money on a track. Probably test rides Belfast taxi's on his days off(battery powered shopping scooter for lazy fat old people who smash into peoples ankles in Malls)

Mouseover bell end hear comment

Program Evaluation

The program is aimed at males in their late-teens and early twenties, who spend too much time jerking-off over filth on their moby's and dreaming of owning cars they'll never be able to afford. They're a bit like the Lottery dreamers - wake up you've got more chance of being run over by some twat in a fast car.

The program tests flashy cars that only barristers or other professionals can afford.The most important attributes of these projectiles are speed,more speed,road handling and comfort. Comments like' I love the way the dash is set out and the teak & black leather finish is the dogs', make me want to spew. Who give a toss what the inside of a car looks like apart from silly girls. It's a fucking car you can't live in it,you can't have a dump in it and you can't get pissed in it. It serves one purpose to get you from A to B preferably using as little fuel as possible. Most cars spend 90% of their time sitting outside parked up, decreasing in value rapidly.

Handling and speed mean nothing, where the fuck are going to achieve your top speed? The roads are congested to fuck and speeding cameras are strapped to every lamp post. After being stuck on the M6 for five hours, Maybe you could drive up to Scotland for a quick blast every weekend .Driving down the local motorway at a ton plus is only practicable, if you have a time machine fitted to your car and set the dial to the seventies. If you haven't then say goodbye to your licence.

Fuel economy, running costs and longevity do not appear to have any significance on the testing. This might be because the audience, this program appeals to don't give a flying fuck about the planet or pollution.

Programs like Topgear/Fifth gear are doomed just like the car industry itself. I can't possibly see people driving anything but slow, boring electric or hydrogen cars in ten years time, by then Jez and his pals will surely be forgotten or dead, preferably the latter.

Just as they used to say on Tiswas 'this is what they want' more cars that achieve CO2 ratings of less than 100g/km, more elecrtric cars and low running costs. here's a few examples care of What green car ;

Terrorist team(mouse over image below)


Content on this page requires a newer version of Adobe Flash Player.

Get Adobe Flash player

Coppers beat the shit outa mefreedom fighter of terrorist


Osama bin laden

Just a normal guy, that carries a machine gun around with him all of the time, probably because the yanks keep trying to kill him. He hates infidels (don't we all) who think that arab states are incapable of addressing and resolving there own tribual problems.

Richard Reid

Some Asian bloke from England wrongly arrested for protesting about CO2 emissions from aeroplanes. He was later fitted up by MI5 and labelled 'the Shoe bomber'. All this because the government are totally paraniod and want everyone to hate muslims. It'got nothing to do with them wanting to get their mits, on billions of bucks from oil deals.


Tooled up terrorist! Pakistani bloke upholding his rights to bear arms against the invasion of foreign forces.Must not to be confused with Freedom fighter, the classification given to the french resistance and other groups who fought against fascism and communism.

sk sk sk sk sk sk sk sk sk sk sk

Mouseover Topgear symbol to hear shit soundtrack

Date : 2nd feb 2009. copyright@