A dogs life

In this home
no dog does roam
but down the lane
there barks a pain. 

Itís very freaky
liked by all
its small and nasty,
this is kiki. 

Sometimes you wouldnít know itís there
then you hear itís owners swear
and call it names like little rat or twat
but some day soon its gonna bite a brat.
Then the coppers will be round
and shoot the bastard to the ground. 
All will howl and be quite sad
except for me - cos Iíll be glad.

I hate it so and wish each night and day
that god will take straight away.  
The little rat must be charmed
because surely now it would be dead Ė
I have put 10 thousands curses on its head.

Farewell brave kicki written on a cross
but who gives a fucking toss! 

"A. Monge"
dispatch bike

The Dispatch Hero

Faster than a Rocket
snaking through the lanes 
Super sonic Despatch man
Even it rains

West end east end 
It all looks the same to me
And donít forget the tower bridge 
Crossing constantly
Dashing round the smoke
smashing off car wing mirrors 
looking for a street
that is just off Fleet.    
 
fun and wheelies down 
the  pub with the lads 
at the Robin Hood. 
The Chiswick high on a Friday night
completely bladdered and ready to fight
Pronto boys and Warwick dorks talking 
Bikes and telescopic forks    
 
Riding like a mad man
changing down and flying
never think of accidents
or people that are dying
But luck and time are running out 
and death & fear are always near
you never see or feel the pain
the blood and guts run down 
the outside lane

The lucky are the ones that 
live and tell the stories of this biking hell
the dead remain behind forever
flying down the road of sparks and leather

Names like super Bri and Forty-four 
quick as lighting earned a score
But the best was faster still 
Captain scarlet Or 89
flying west and dead on time.
by ex-prontobike

Ballad of el Tel of KD Products

There was a young man called el Tel who worked in a place that was hell with KD & mongs things couldnít be right and timer was set when went for shite.

His stories of Jordan would lessen the boredom and the models he had were all very glad.

His fighting old Albert a battle of wits which in turn give Keith the manager the shits.

His life was a Bond movie, his kunk foo so groovy and he loved mashing cardboard to bits.

The army were barmy not to sign him for service his days at the cadets left many regrets. The S.A.S wanted him to join their team but at the end of the day KD was supreme.

The poor lad had a screw loose but knew a good tale and made many wail in days of old when kd was gold.

Exploits of el Tel of KD

  1. He Could get his hands on any firearm gun machine you name it, rockets launches,generades or explosives because he had a mate who worked in an army ammunition depot.
  2. Shagged Jo Guest model (she's been on the telly) while he was on holiday down south.
  3. kick boxing champion north west england and did JKD.fight anyone in wrexham.
  4. his girlfriend was said to be a stunner but when I seen her she looked dead plain with glasses.
  5. He was in the army cadets and had fired every weapon none to man.
  6. He was asked to join sas during a training session with the army cadets.
  7. He liked kicking boxs and making strange noises like bruce lee.
  8. He had a day off work and said that his gearbox had gone on the way in. he fixed it that day and returned to work the day after.
  9. He had a stand off with old albert which keith broke up. He said albert was lucky because he would have killed him.
  10. When he left KD, he took a week off sick and went working for some other company. After the week he rang in and told Old KD to shove the job.
  11. Knew everything about fast cars and was a boss mechanic.
  12. His old man worked for kd and looked like the hunch back of notre dam.



Nightmare

Anotther nightmare inspired by bad news

Nightmare itís not a dream or a Honda  
Machine you the hit the throttle  
nightmare comes in the shape of the demon on the bottle,
It tastes and looks like shit again.

Nightmare Iím back in work again
nightmare its all the fucking same
thereís too much  pain. 
They pay you money for something funny
but itís the time thatís makes it crime. 
Nightmare Iíve bought a kar thats a bag shit again
I Canít afford to put it right
Iíll pray to allah tonight.

Nightmare here comes the demon again
Nightmare the wine tastes shit again
Nightmare here comes the beast again
Nightmare nightmare nightmare

Nightmare here comes the beast again
Nightmare nightmare nightmare

Halloween

Halloweens is coming 
Halloweens is coming 
Witches will be after you 
Big black cats and scary rats
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Halloween is coming
Halloween is coming
Turnip men and pumpkin heads
Horrible brats from council flats
Trick or treat and muddy feet 
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Halloween is coming
Halloween is coming
Full moon over Pendle hill
Dark black skies and ghostly cries
Howling wolves with big red eyes
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

Halloween is coming
Halloween is coming
Pendle brew and Demdike flew 
Great wild boar on sabden moor
haunted barn right next to 
wiswell farm 
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Halloween is here
Halloween is here
Pray youír names not on the list
Iíll drink beer till Iím pissed
Fall to sleep and dream of freddy
Now youíre nightmares really ready.   
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

A sober tale

Morag hen lives down the lane
With a man who is a pain.
They have a dog or is it rat 
I wish it dead Iíll kill the tw***

One day a buzzard  will fly down
And lift it from the f****** ground
Then drop it from a greater height
And smash its bones the little shit

My name is jock and Iím Hard as rock
He likes to fight and knock  her out
He doesnít lose a single bout

When heís drunk a gallon 0r more
Then its time to punch her To the floor 
As shes down the boot goes in
the neighbours wake - awfull din
 
Nobby falls from his bed
and nelly screamís wake the dead
just in time the bobbys come
and old jock is on the run. 

But in nick - not long his stay 
rose & dunn he must pay. 
70 quid and jock is free 
Morag please tell them it wasnít me
it was whisky canít you see. 

Up before the judge he went
but the bastard was too bent.
jock give him 50 quid
and nothing more was ever said
until morag turned up dead. 
  
The endÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

The author would like to state any people mentioned in this poem are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any person living or deed! Or gonna be deed ye we shawer of bastards.

Orinoko and Tomsk boy

Just outside the city walls
lives tomsk the brave with massive balls
and his brother "orinoko the fat"
in a garden with the cat. 

They eat all day and sleep all night
and don't give a F*** where they shite.
There pigs you see or sometimes not,
so clean their cage before they rot.

They havnít seen a girly pig
and don't know all about the birds & bees
expect the ones in the garden trees. 
They only had once sexual fling
it was'nt nice and took an oedipus ring.
So no more trips to see their dad
he chased them round and made them sad.
But brave young tomsk was fighting mad
and battered up poor old dad.

He's only happy when he's biting
and he's known in Chester for his fighing.
but tomsk is nothing without his bro,
who is the smellist down below.
Orinoko is his name,
shitting constantly is his game.
Theyíre the boyZ who rule the garden now
and cause poor kitty so much pain
sheís driven out of the Haslin lane.

			The End

You Must Go To Husco

You must go to husco
The people who work there come from two tribes
the one's who are old and oneís for free rides.
They bitch and they back-stab they grass to the boss,
solidarity get fucked, it's gone for a toss.

"They hate" the manager who smells like queer
but there straight down the pub when he buys the beer.
The old hate the young and the young hate the old
and the scouse hate the manks and the blacks - No thanks.
This is factory life as seen in the film
but missing the frills and the bits in between
there not allowed on the silver screen.

The monotonous crap produced from high schools
this why England is so full of fools.
Spewed from a chav's snatch they come in a batch.
All thick as a bulls cock they follow the flock.
They work very cheap and act like daft sheep.

The boss isn't there he doesn't really care,
the computer is king it's all a new thing.
It's just like the scene from Schindlers list
with all of the naziís totally pissed
if you don't make the hinges you end up as cinders.

This is life in factory land
they sell their freedom by the pound.
The redneck yanks have bleed it dry
theyíve their days of fortune with British steel
but now itís time to do the Asian deal.

Good bye Runcorn youíre on the dole
but donít be so glum youíve had a good roll.


Also see Husco in the Brown Pages