Albert Map's Night Out
One weekend Alberts old pal called Brian ‘the bone’ came up from that London -down south- and after drinking Albert’s complete winter reserves of beer and wine announced that he was off for a drink in the Norton Arms.
They had not been in the pub long when Brian bumped into some old pals from his school days. Brian sort of left Albert sitting in the corner getting pissed and went off chatting to his old mates. Albert went over just to prompt him when it was his round, otherwise Albert would have been paying all night.
Anyway while Brian was talking to his mates these two women came over and sat on the table next to them. Brians old school mates were all a bit wryer of them, I think they knew the women because they were regulars. It wasn’t surprising they were a bit wryer they were rough as a bears and dressed like they were on the game. The two women seemed to testing the water with the old school mates to see if anyone fancied them but none of them were interest. When they finally approached Brian he was all up for it and all over them like flies round a cows arse hole. He first tried to find a partner for the ugliest of the two women- whose face looked like it had been set on fire and put out with a spade. After half an hour Brian give up and came over to Albert and told Albert if he played his cards right he could have the dog rough one. Albert replied in a fairly loud voice he would rather “pull the head off it than go with either of them” to make sure the women heard. Brian went nuts and stormed off to bar chatting them up.
At the end night Brian decided he was taking them home in his car, Albert asked him to drop him off at his home on the way but Brian said Albert had to come back to the women’s flat just to keep him company until he got the green light for a knee trembler. It was an absolute nightmare when the pals got to this women’s flat her mum turned up with her sprog in tow. The other women went into the bedroom and changed from her mini shirt shagging outfit into some baggy old track suit. She was obviously married and didn’t want to go home dressed like a tart.
Albert got lucky and made his escape because Brian had to go his mums house for ‘the old jack kit’ a needle of steroids down the bell end, which equals massive boner for six hours. At Brian’s mums he dashed into the bog and did the deed in a matter of seconds, then he shot out the door. Albert stayed for a while to keep his old mum company and hear rant on about what a selfish bastard her son was before, eventually heading home.